Idiot-Deluxe
Greydon Clark's "Uninvited" is simply a movie that has next to nothing going for it, a dull and uninteresting pseudo-horror film from 1988, 90 minutes of inferior film-making with a very weak plot and even weaker execution, lazily paced with noted indifference by Mr. Clark."Uninvited" is a low-budget horror film whose plot revolves around a cat that's been genetically altered, which has recently escaped from a hi-tech animal research lab (in what looks like either Florida or southern California). But what makes this cat, an otherwise normal looking orange tabby unusual, is that it's a man-made harbinger from hell. On the outside it's an attractive feline specimen, however this big red furry pussy serves as "the host" to a man-made demon spawn, a parasitic murderous monster, that lurks within. This well conceived, but very poorly executed monster, is portrayed with utmost inconsistency by the use of several different puppets, which frequently exits it's unassuming looking host via it's mouth and proceeds to wreak death and destruction wherever it goes. Admittedly the idea itself sounds fairly compelling, however with Mr. Clark aboard that's as far as the inspiration goes, because the resulting movie turns out to be nothing but a lame waste of time and this is entirely do to the utterly uninspired and workman like execution of Greydon Clark. Just how poor old, Oscar-winning, George Kennedy got roped into this pitiful little B-horror film is anyone's guess, yet mercifully he's one of the films first victims and is killed about half-way through. The films primary setting is a large, high-dollar yacht, which is owned by a crooked white-collared businessman, whose enroute to the Cayman Islands to deposit $3,000,000 of ill-begotten cash to one of the islands many banks (a well-known and long-running embezzlers paradise). However, while enroute to the tropics, the winds turn foul and bad luck sets in and as the cliché line goes "but something went terribly wrong"!The yacht is filled with about 10 people to start with, the owner, two of his cronies, the captain and three college boys and some young, perky chicks, that happened to have caught the rich old horndog's eye, who wasted no time inviting them on his yacht. The three guys are nothing but opportunistic, party-loving, free-loading types, who serve little purpose other than to round-out the cast and to increase the movies kill count. But there's trouble aboard, from the murderous wrath of the hellspawn, to the seedy, manipulative ways of the crooked businessman, this stirs up double-trouble and makes for rough-sailing (as well as some rough and seriously lame viewing), as one by one people begin to fall to the monsters fangs and claws. As I alluded to earlier, the monster looks are different in virtually every sequence, especially the size of the damn thing - Mr. Clark chose a size and go with it. The action of this film is underwhelming to say the least and not a single monster encounter stirs up the slightest bit of intrigue or suspense, just boredom, though some of the films gore-effects are pretty decent, but hardly award-winning. Really the best thing about the Uninvited are the three sexy ladies, guests of Viagra-dependent, a trio of free-loading floozies that are in the habit of showing lots of skin as they frolic about the ship, often wearing bikinis and little else. In fact this movie shows precious little substance of any kind and as with all of Greydon Clark's movies all of the action is backed by terrible, amateurish, synthesizer music and generic music stings; yet another horror-movie cliché which Greydon Clark employed ineffectively, but as you'll notice, for this movie at least, that's par for the course.Ultimately "Uninvited" is a very feeble and utterly uninteresting 90 minutes of pure mediocrity and to further add insult to injury, is the fact that this movie resonates loudly with a strong and readily perceptible "Weekend at Bernies" vibe; and on top of that Weekend at Bernies is actually a better movie then this. Och!Once it's all said and done I'd advise you NOT to waste your time on this crappy movie. You need NOT invite the "Uninvited" to your home..... nor your collective unconscious.
Woodyanders
A deadly mutant cat escapes from a Florida research lab. The ferocious feline finds its way onto a luxurious yacht and proceeds to terrorize the motley assortment of passengers aboard said yacht. Boy, does this gloriously ludicrous honey possess all the right wrong stuff to qualify as a real four-star stinkeroonie: The ham-fisted (mis)direction by always dependable schlocko specialist Greydon Clark (who not only also wrote the supremely asinine script, but also makes a cameo appearance as an ill-fated doctor at the start of the flick), the laughable premise, the uproariously shoddy (far from) special effects (the cat is a pathetically obvious puppet that resembles a huge wet rat!), the cheesy gore, the tacky redundant synthesizer score, and the jaw-dropping "it ain't over yet!" sequel set-up non-ending all provide a wealth of unintentional belly laughs. The welcome presence of three down on their luck faded name thespians slumming for a quick paycheck further enhances the overall campy merriment: Alex Cord as smooth sleazeball high roller Walter Graham, George Kennedy as the grouchy Mike Harvey, and, in a positively sidesplitting turn, Clu Gulager as the pitiful Albert, who's a hopelessly wimpy and browbeaten psycho nerd complete with buck teeth and coke bottle glasses. As a tasty extra plus, sexy babes Shari Shattuck and Clare Carey both look smoking hot in revealing bikinis. "Assault on Precinct 13" star Austin Stoker pops up in a small part as a Caribbean officer. Only Nicholas von Sternberg's slick and fluid cinematography manages to effectively surmount the pervasive cruddiness. An absolute crummy hoot and a half!
udar55
Five college spring breakers (3 guys, 2 girls) end up in the lap of luxury as they get onto the boat of Wall Street sleaze ball Walter Graham (Alex Cord), who is heading to the Cayman Islands to illegally take out all of his money before the SEC busts him. Also along for the journey are Mike (George Kennedy) and Albert (Clu Gulager), Graham's muscle, and Rachel (Toni Hudson), the ship's owner being blackmailed by Graham. Oh, and there is also a genetically enhanced cat that spits out another mutated cat from its mouth (!) that one of the girls brought on board. I think this is the first "genetically enhanced monster escapes the lab" film I've seen where the entire chaos results from a lab assistant not closing a door. Yup, no fancy breakouts here, just a guy forgetting to close the door in the examination room and workers not quick enough to catch a cat. Director-writer Greydon Clark (who plays one of the dumb lab men) is going strictly by the numbers here, but this is fun for the most part. The biggest assets are the three veteran performers in their roles. Gulager sports some weird teeth and Kennedy is hilariously angry all the time ("I hate stupid young punks like you!"). Best of the bunch is Cord as the sleazy millionaire with a voice that would make country club managers shiver. Austin Stoker also shows up in one scene at the end.
