Vashirdfel Simply A Masterpiece

Sexyloutak Absolutely the worst movie.

Senteur As somebody who had not heard any of this before, it became a curious phenomenon to sit and watch a film and slowly have the realities begin to click into place.

Rosie Searle It's the kind of movie you'll want to see a second time with someone who hasn't seen it yet, to remember what it was like to watch it for the first time.

Horst in Translation (filmreviews@web.de) "Hai-Alarm auf Mallorca", also known as "Shark Alarm", "SOS Mallorca", "Blue Savage" and "Megalodon", is a German television movie from 2004, so this one will soon have its 15th anniversary. The director is Greek German filmmaker Jorgo Papavassiliou and if you take a look at the quality of some of his other works, then this is not a good sign. But what is even more shocking is that no less than four writers worked on this mess of a script. And at 110 minutes, i.e. closer to the 2-hour-mark than to the 1.5-hour-mark, this is not a film that flies by at all. This is probably the closest Germany has to the successful Sharknado trash franchise, but it's really not that similar. There is only one shark in here, albeit a very big one, and we almost never see him. The main character is played by the colossal (in terms of muscles) Ralf Moeller and as he really is on par with everybody else from the cast here, that says a lot about the actors' quality or lack thereof. The line delivery is painfully wooden and stale at times. Cameos by Ottfried Fischer and Jeanette Biedermann (the German Britney) were expectedly unfunny and uncreative. And the inclusions of Spengemann, Liebich, maybe Hanselmann and Karrenbauer too make clear that range was not what they were going for here. Admittedly the way the characters were written, not even far more talented actors could have made it work. The attention to detail is really shoddy too. Are we really supposed to believe that Bloéb was physically strong enough to be equal with Moeller for a while during their brawl at the end? Or their relationship was the strangest thing ever anyway. They fight for death and life, one tries to kill the other on the road, but hey who cares they are still close and all and it was just because of the whole situation. No hard feelings etc. Ridiculous stuff. Nothing about this film felt realistic at all and this also includes the rushed-in father-daughter conflict or the blooming love story between the two main characters that admittedly did not suck as much as a lot of other parts here. Yes this film deserves to make it into the IMDb bottom 250 for sure. My suggestion is absolutely to skip it.

Chase_Witherspoon When a grieving widow (Moeller) discovers that a prehistoric shark – Megalodon – is responsible for the death of a swimmer, he suspects it might also be the same shark that killed his wife and two other divers several years earlier. Convincing newly appointed micro-biologist (Stinshoff) proves relatively easy, but she's oblivious to the grand scheme that has created the giant shark from living DNA recovered from a frozen specimen found in the Antarctic. Of all places to base a cutting edge cancer research facility, no doubt the idyllic Mediterranean tax haven of Mallorca would be the most sensible. At least that's what the makers of this film would have the audience believe.The over-used CGI shark is typically unrealistic and so out-of-proportion and scale that it scarcely conjures any excitement or thrills. Even the shark swarm in the first scene is disappointing, once again courtesy of the CGI effects that give every attack a video-game quality. This German production's English dubbing is some of the worst (and unintentionally hilarious) you'll come across – the sight of big Ralf running down the beach shouting "Shugalum, shugalum" (that's meant to be "shark alarm, shark alarm" in Bavarian accent) a dozen times will have you in stitches. At least the producers had the foresight to anticipate the drudgery to which this would ultimately amount, and incorporated some quirky humour to lighten up the tone. There's a number of genuine laughs (as opposed to the unintentional ones) throughout, one in particular paying homage to "The Terminator" which works well. The obese BBQ chef and his bevy of scantily clad accoutrements who lends Ralf a luxury car or two is also a comic highlight.But despite the eclectic editing, sometimes witty dialogue, postcards of Mallorca and stylish stunt-work (some great car maneuvers and helicopter acrobatics), there's little else to recommend this movie, which borrows heavily from several others of the ilk ("Deep Blue Sea" in particular), but achieves much less. Hanselmann's bikini-clad villainy is perhaps the most worthwhile aspect in this whole travesty; that or Ralf's physique, depending on your persuasion. Either way, it's not enough to entertain a second time.

tessnopfer To be honest, before watching "Haialarm auf Mallorca"- "World Premier on RTL", I really had no expectations whatsoever. Now I have to say: this film is even a disgrace for the cheesiest German channel RTL (apart from RTL 2 and Super RTL). As you may have supposed the film is about a deadly dangerous super killer shark murdering people in Mallorca for no reasons. But there is hope for the terrified people of Mallorca. The great hero Ralf Moeller fights against the injustice, bravely challenging the epic monster, which isn't even identifiable nearly throughout the film. Having experienced a shark attack himself, in fact, years ago when his wife got raped, he has the opportunity to revenge now. However he has to bother with greedy scientists and corrupt police... Will justice win and the people of Mallorca have their own peaceful life back? You are going to have to see if you bother watching this masterpiece. T his horribly animated film would have been a great contender for the worst film of the year if it hadn't been German. The story is obviously rubbish and the acting wooden. Even the shark is not scary. As a German you have to hope this movie doesn't reach a wider audience than Germany. But I'm sure it wont as there are heaps of real good films, obviously not produced by RTL. To be fair with the entire film crew, you will at least have a funny evening with a sufficient amount of alcohol and a nice company. I'm, hence, going to give this rubbish a 2.

pierrot-3 *SPOILERS AHEAD* Well, what could I say about this "movie"... it's one of these movies where you wish you could sue someone to get the time wasted back, and you could also sue for the pain endured while watching it. 3 elements make this movie a pain:a "plot" which doesn't deserve this name. A man wants to kill the prehistoric shark (!) that killed his wife. Jurassic Park meets Jaws. Yawn. Besides missing any scientific logic, you will quickly start to realize that most roles in this movie are only clichés being filled: the German hero (ex-navy diver), the lazy Spanish policeman (who always looks stressed), the Spanish crook (played by a German with a whig on...), the good and the bad scientists (the good happening to fly helicopters in her leisure-time), etc...Bad acting. There is bad acting due to poor directors and bad acting due to poor actors. Here we have both. Its hard to fill a role which consists of saying highlights like "Sharks eat people", but at least try to look credible when you have to say such a thing.Computer effects which make Tron from 1982 look like the latest of special effects. Sharks (the secret heroes of this movie) which look fake. Not just a bit fake, but VERY fake (you can see that already in the beginning of the movie where sharks attack divers in a cage).In resume, no plot + bad acting + bad computer effects = painI' ll give it a 0,5 out of 5 stars for all the kerosene used in the helicopter-scenes.