Sexylocher Masterful Movie

Sexyloutak Absolutely the worst movie.

Anoushka Slater While it doesn't offer any answers, it both thrills and makes you think.

Staci Frederick Blistering performances.

Stevieboy666 Bad special effects, rubbish sets, ridiculous story line, poor, unconvincing acting - including a has been pop star - why do they keep churning these stupid, trashy movies out?? For suckers like me to keep watching!! Some of these Mega movies are funny because they are so stupid but this one can't even achieve that. Avoid

rooprect I love the classics. The philosophical depth and artistry of films like Kurosawa's "Rashômon" and Orson Welles' "The Trial" or modern masterpieces like Kaufman's "Synecdoche NY" and Tarr's "Werckmeister Harmoniak" are magical, humbling reminders that art is not confined to the Louvre. That said, when I came across the title "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus", I realized that I must not only watch it, I must own it in all its HD Blu-ray glory. Call it a crazy hunch, but I bought this one without knowing a thing about it except for its mega bad title.Before I even get to my review, let's pause to consider the title. "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus." No, this isn't some poor translation from Japanese to English. Apparently an English speaking person sat down, pen in hand, and crafted this title, carefully considering the many clever possibilities that Shakespeare's native tongue has to offer, and then in a flash of poetic inspiration, vomited forth the epic utterance: "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus".The "Mega Shark" part is interesting enough, at least to my 5-year-old nephew who plays with his own boogers. But I guess our poet expended every brain cell coming up with the 1st half of the title because poor old "giant octopus" doesn't exactly have a cool name or presence. Oh well, I guess every Hall has his Oates.But back to the title... how awesome is Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. And it gets better. For Pete's sake, there's a spoiler in the title of the movie hahaha! It's supposed to be a big surprise when the characters realize that the two monsters have to fight each other. Really??? :facepalm:So why aren't you scrambling for your credit card to buy this already? The title isn't good enough for you? OK then let me give you a little extra push over the cliff. Everything you've heard about this movie is true. The plot is thinner and more transparent than the radial canals on an Aequorea forskalea (that means the ribs on a jellyfish, to those of you who aren't oceanographers... and clearly the writers & actors of this movie are not). The acting is often as wooden as a Roy Rogers wagon wheel, the sets are probably leftovers from Gomer Pyle, and I've seen better special effects on those Geico lizard commercials.BUT...! it's deliberate! This movie, my friends, is one of the most brilliant satires since Stanley Kubrick's "Dr. Strangelove". Yes, we're supposed to notice that the US destroyer and the Japanese sub are the same movie set, except with different colored lights and a periscope stuck in the middle of the "Japanese sub". Yes, we're supposed to notice that the ponytail-sporting Navy commander (the great Lorenzo Lamas in a most hilarious role) has all the brains & cooth of an unwashed turnip, and yet he seems to have more authority than the president of the USA. Yes, we're supposed to notice the destroyer using deck guns to shoot at undersea targets lol. And yes, we're supposed to notice that these beasts can travel at 500 knots (roughly the speed of the Space Shuttle 1 min into launch) but they can't seem to catch up to a single-propeller minisub. We're supposed to notice all of these things because that's what satires do. They present us with absurd situations that we're supposed to laugh at quietly. Or not so quietly.So what is this film satirizing? Whom are they making fun of? Well for starters, the US government is mercilessly skewered. In particular, commanding officers of various military branches are lampooned within an inch of their lives. Always shown as brick-jawed, arrogant, "kill em first, sort out the body parts later" kinda people, these villains are more cartoonishly hilarious than anything out of the pages of Dick Tracy. Lorenzo Lamas truly delivers, playing a callous, lying, hateful, racist, megalomaniac whom you just gotta love because he's so offensive. We have also the "suits" (who are never quite explained) and the various business execs who appear just long enough to say classic lines such as "We have customs in America, too. So they urinated on a Japanese worker, you've never been to a frat party?"I don't even know what that means but it's bloody hilarious!Debbie Gibson (yes, the 80s pop star) plays an intelligent yet impetuous marine explorer who is fired for trying to save a bunch of whales from an illegal sonar device. Sean Lawlor plays the professor who was fired from the Navy for crashing a nuclear sub to avoid hitting a dolphin. And Vic Chao plays the guy who forsakes his ancestral trade of fishing because he says "too much death". You might notice that the recurring theme is one of conservation & activism. But you don't have to be a tree-hugger (whale-hugger?) to connect with these people who are simply fighting for what's right. The villains in this movie aren't the undersea beasties; the villains are the generals, executives and suits who always manage to muck up everything about our our planet.Hope I didn't scare anyone off with that last serious bit, but I think it deserves emphasis because it's the whole backbone of this seemingly vapid monster flick. If I did scare you off, hurry back or you'll miss two of the simply awesomest moments in monster movie history. Shark vs. Golden Gate Bridge and Shark vs. Boeing Airliner (hahaha yes, while it's flying).In a nutshell, this movie is a colossally bad monster flick. But it's a colossally awesome satire with some really fun action. Definitely heading for cult status.Mega shark vs. giant octopus. You know you want to watch it. Mega shark vs. giant octopus. You cannot resist. Mega shark vs. giant octopus. Oh come on, you can't possibly go to your grave knowing you never saw Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus!!!

speedythecat07 This movie was a 5. I gave it a ridiculous 10 to offset someone's ridiculous 1.I can't imagine what sort of person watches a movie like this and gives it a "1" plus writes a review saying how bad it is. Were they expecting Shawshank? This movie is for a certain type of sci-fi nerd (such as myself) to pass a little time and have some fun in the process. I think if you are the B-movie sci-fi nerd type you realize this is far from the worst thing ever made and you will enjoy while others sling mud at it and criticize it like it was made to compete with Transformers or something. Truth is, I bet you take all the people out there that gave it a "1" and put a camera in their hand and give them some money and see what they could do, they would realize quickly what their skillset is.No doubt if you were drunk or high this would be much better and if you have a buddy or significant other to enjoy it with it would be even more enjoyable. I don't do either of the first 2 and my wife was at work when I watched this, but still I enjoyed it for what it was.It is for a certain demographic of folks to enjoy and no doubt a small demographic, but we are out there.My point is, it saddens me to think there are people out there who rare this a "1" because they think it was "crap". The truth is they just didn't have realistic expectations and or were stupid enough to really think this was supposed to be a theatrical masterpiece. Are there people this dumb?

donnajpierce One day in Idaho,I was with my cousins at a movie theater, watching movie trailers, of course.Then I was mesmerized, I saw a trailer for Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus.But it was very different than the one I watched this year. First, the day is casual and that, then, out of the water jumps the Giant Octopus!Then it lands on the ground and slithers up a huge building!Then somebody {who I later figure out is Emma} calls the military. They come in on helicopters.But at the same time, Mega Shark jumps out of the water, eat the helicopters in air and then goes back in the water and roars.Then, Giant Octopus makes the sound of a whale and leaps back in the water. Aircraft carriers are then sent into the water the search and corner the creatures together to fight, then they'd kill the remaining one, like in Dinocroc vs Supergator.A close up inside one of the aircraft carriers is on screen, and we see Emma,a man by the apparent name of Lamar, and Seiji Shimada. We then see the Giant Octopus and the Mega Shark in a titanic tussle to the death, and the trailer ends.But the movie didn't show this. But the movie was still very very good!The fight was amazing! The science was unbelievable!The Mega Shark and Giant Octopus... unstoppable.Their fight was electrifying!First, the Giant Octopus wrapped up the wary Mega Shark, who then bites off one of the tentacles. It happens again later in the movie but in the end, with the Mega Shark biting Giant Octopus' throat and the Giant Octopus squeezing Mega Shark to death, they both die. But Lamar, Emma,and Doctor Shimada {I think thats his name} are still the main characters