Lovesusti The Worst Film Ever

WasAnnon Slow pace in the most part of the movie.

Portia Hilton Blistering performances.

Dana An old-fashioned movie made with new-fashioned finesse.

vatlva After watching this irksome low-budget production, I scanned over the reviews already on here, bad and good. The positive ones name drop the directors and one or two other performers, but mainly someone who happens to be director, writer and performer. Really? In this case it might be better not drawing attention to individuals. I hardly think that potential future investors in projects involving any of these people will be motivated to open their wallets by these positive so-called reviews given all the positives appear at the bottom of the page and the negatives appear at the top. It would surely be easier for people to fiddle the anonymous ratings or 'thumb-down' the real reviews rather than making things up and praying for the best outcome? Most intelligent people can spot a fake or dubious review a mile off anyway I would imagine, given that I know I can.This is cheap, in almost every way. From the amateurishly recorded cockney voice-over (used in every single gangster film these days but for a different reason here) to the fact that the outdoor army scenes were filmed in the park next to where the pub scenes were filmed - clearly. Some money must have been spent on it somewhere along the way but it appears there are a lot of people in this who probably worked for free. The main characters are really low-quality actors who are unlikely to ever see the light at the end of the tunnel in the world of cinema if they carry on involving themselves in productions as horrid as this. The story itself has already been covered on this page so I won't go into it, but the appaulingness of it all has to be seen to be believed, but hopefully not by anyone I love. I for one can not believe how some men and women have so much free time on their hands they are able to waste it chucking together this mound of everything that could possibly be bad in cinema. Bad directors. Bad actors - even the Best Boy needs a quiet word had. As mentioned, one of the directors wrote this and plays the main character so says it all, really. This isn't supposed to be a comedy, but there were some laugh-out-loud moments in it which I appreciated, however unintentional they must have been. The segment halfway through where a bunch of fat men jump out of a car to perform an act of armed robbery on a wagon driver was 100% utter hilarity. Because the vast majority of the performers and extras (try differentiating between the two, its tough) are so laughably overweight and unfit, they actually sped up the footage to make it look like they were exiting the vehicle faster than they were able so for a few seconds it looked like something out of The Benny Hill Show. All that was needed was Yakety Sax on the soundtrack and this could have been a real comedy. It didn't stop there. Two thirds of the way through, there is a scene where some overweight, puffed out, tight clothed, absolutely unbelievable combat troops are surveying an abandoned building - somewhere in Eastern Europe. Problem is, the film is so disrespectful to it's audience they didn't even bother to get rid of the 'R' reg British registration plates from the Iveco truck prop they had borrowed from the breakers. Disgraceful. Really, really bad.I must add as well that although I love combat films, having recently had the privilege of seeing the much unknown Hyena Road (a real film which cost more than a fiver) I resent someone trying to convince me that a squad of British soldiers would all (and I mean ALL) be at least 4 stone overweight. How would they cope in a real combat situation? Fat people like this would not pass basic training in the United Kingdom armed forces and the attempt to convince anyone otherwise is farcical and unrealistic. Its no wonder our forces are regarded by some other countries as a joke. I hope no-one out there has the bad luck to watch this and think this is what its really like. God Almighty.The film ventures too far into the realms of fantasy and I can tell you from experience that a 20 stone overweight trooper walking around in this day and age in any part of the world refusing to wear a chin strap, refusing to carry his rifle and simultaneously trying to anger and wind up his mates in a seriously dangerous combat situation would not happen in a million years. He would have been filtered out early on after filling out his application form with his sausage fingers and would probably be in military prison or sucking his lard through a straw after almost being beaten to death by a bunch of squad-mates using bars of soap inside socks. Its all just so unrealistic.Never mind the hooligan part of the film. Because they only employed fat men of indeterminate vintage, just about all of the characters blend into one and it's generally impossible to tell one from the other, which I would imagine is the reason for the joke voice-over to try to remind viewers who is who. All except that is the main performer whose character is called 'Chris'. He has at least an allover short back and sides, not a cropped hairstyle and so stands out - but not in a good way. My suggestion would be to remain in the fatigues and hide in some long reeds.I would suggest a good way to get these intended future Oscar winners to stand out and be different from the other people in the film would be to have some acting ability. Either that or go back to working in Halfords. It would be a far less painful and more enjoyable experience for anyone interested in cinema.

leecass-65884 Essentially this is a gangster flick with a nicely incorporated military element. Okay so there may be a few discrepancies with dates of the Bosnian war and the ages of the recruits in the basic training scenes but HOLD ON........You need to appreciate the film for what it is and what Chris Bell and the team have achieved on a minuscule budget! The story of two friends as their lives envelop from the military to top London gangsters. This is a well worked back drop to a very gutsy, hard hitting, gritty and cool British film........There is plenty of action for the boys as well as some nicely acted scenes showing the complexities and intricacies of everyday relationships within a gangster lifestyle which isn't an easy thing to pull off but the film handles it well.There are times when the editing / cutting isn't brilliant but we are not talking a Hollywood blockbuster budget here!! There are some nice one-liners and plenty of likable characters which makes the film easily watchable and the documentary style camera shots encompass you into the films ethos really well. The two main characters Chris and Johnny are played beautifully by Chris Bell and Alan Lund showing the various layers of vulnerability as well as the hard man element.I take my hat off to what Chris Bell, Steven M Smith and the team have done with this film which includes a lovely and clever twist in the plot!I for one will be watching this film many times over and because of the way it is filmed and it's slight discrepancies it could easily be catapulted into cult status in years to come! Not a term I would use lightly.Anything these guys do in future I will certainly watch!!!!

craigwyting-157-775361 I have total respect and admiration for Chris Bell, knowing what its like to produce on a zero or shoe string budget, its never going to be perfect and mistakes made may not be able to be rectified in the final cut, but that is no reason not to go ahead with the distribution.Chris produced this film in a very short time scale that was placed upon him and I know he worked endlessly with cast and crew to do what in the end, when it comes down to the nuts and bolts a lot of hard work. He is to be congratulated on his steadfastness to start a project and get it done, not many at our level can say the same. Hooligan / thug type films are not my thing, these story lines usually follow a pattern, but this had a nice little twist towards the end, that made me curious to know what could possible happen next, something I look forward to finding out.Colour grading was a little patchy and I would have liked to have seen it in full colour, taking it down to black and white and the use of pastels in areas did nothing for me, it was more of an unnecessary distraction than anything, but I know the effect he was after so it did not take my mind off the story line. I really like the mood in places, the hard mean and outspoken slang and body language blending in well with the surroundings, heightening the levels of the atmosphere in the scenes.There was at times a seriousness in the pace of the action as well as comedy, time for reflection and family life and some scenes that brought the gangland culture to the heights of real life, that made me realise we are all human and no matter your life style we all have to put up with these demons, so there was a sense of normality within the script and I liked that. The named characters fitted in, well chosen and you can see why he made those choices from his cast. I liked the use of the various locations, you can relate to the gangland culture to these places and they fitted in very well and were used to the productions advantage.At the end of the day its about budget, but its also about the individual and his will to succeed, Chris Bell is a hard worker and given the budget his ideas can only in time be better rewarded. Well done to all involved its a film produced with hard work, work that is underestimated by those who easily criticise and never truly understand what it takes. There is a future for this film maker and I hope he never stops pursuing making films that obviously so many enjoy.Overall I enjoyed the film, like I said not my thing as a theme, so for me to see it through to the end means it kept my attention throughout and if it did that then I'm more than happy to recommend it to others. A film from An enthusiastic hard working up and coming film maker that is Chris Bell

kingymech I will watch anything and I mean anything from Gilgi to Titanic to Platoon to American sniper it doesn't matter how good or how bad or what type of film it is ill give it a bash. Wow what to say about this film, maybe I'll tell the people I don't like to watch it to make myself feel good. What I can say is bad acting, REALLY bad military interaction with likes to Uniforms, weapon systems terminology all round big no no's (BBC's My Girl style) There are too many films that are trying to use the military (my opinion) to boost the story line. There is one bit of the film where the CGI is that bad it's like a flash game on the internet. Poor story line weak main characters, I just wanted to the film to end I didn't care what happened. Sorry, but try again.