Beanbioca As Good As It Gets

CrawlerChunky In truth, there is barely enough story here to make a film.

AnhartLinkin This story has more twists and turns than a second-rate soap opera.

Fatma Suarez The movie's neither hopeful in contrived ways, nor hopeless in different contrived ways. Somehow it manages to be wonderful

TheRaz39 Sometimes, it takes a little searching to find what's worth bringing home. Yes there were some continuity issues with Satan's Playground. Yes, there are some questionable performances and yes you may find yourself saying "what the heck?" However, try and take enjoyment in the individual morsels of creativity. Not every film can be an Exorcist or Cannibal Holocaust. Irma St. Paule (RIP) was creepy, pick the film apart and it remains one surety and to see this elderly woman snorting cocaine made me belly laugh. Irma St. Paule, was listed as being eighty years old at the time of her death (January 2007), although, some of her peers suspected that she was in fact older. Whether that be true or not, this still placed her as the oldest performing actor in the business (at that time), she was on stage until the end and that is something to be said. I enjoyed seeing Ellen Sandweiss again; she is a part of the institution that set the bar. This is Cheryl from Sam Raimi's Evil Dead (1981), she was one of the scariest demons I have seen to date and the only woman (or at least the first) to be raped by a tree. There is some other talent worth mentioning. Felissa Rose's performance was actually pretty good considering what she had to work with (Which included a husband (Salvatore Paul Piro) who is twice her age (and size), in addition to a terribly portrayed Autistic son (Danny Lopes) that is twenty six years old, meaning Felissa birthed him at twelve), however, when you are looking into those eyes, they convey fear. Felissa has come a long way since her role as the transgendered murderess in Sleepaway Camp (1983), which still has a cult following. I will never forget her at the end of the film, standing there, naked with a penis (I was definitely scarred). Sleepaway Camp is a notable entry to the 80's slasher invasion. Back to Satan's Playground, there were some steals from Sam Raimi's Evil Dead (in addition to Ellen Sandweiss) for instance, the famous POV shots of the unseen bat like assailant (Jersey Devil), which had little to do with movie. Most of the quality kills were via bludgeoning or being drugged by the House's inhabitants and not the Jersey Devil. Additionally, the facial expressions made by Christie Sandford were very similar to that of Possessed Betsy Baker's (Linda of Evil Dead). Though his role was confusing to say the least, it is worth a mention that Edwin Neal who plays "Boy" was none other than the Hitchhiker of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974). Raine Brown was also on set, unfortunately with a very small role.Overall, I'll admit, the film is a little less to be desired. However, if you truly love horror, you'll retrieve these aforementioned morsels of entertainment and move on. If anything, to see Irma snorting cocaine is worth the watch (I am laughing as I end this). Happy Horrors

FieCrier A family in New Jersey drives along an isolated road, and the father is falling asleep at the wheel. His wife (I thought at first she was his daughter) mainly bitches at him, and he falls asleep two or three times since nobody has the sense to replace him behind the wheel. Their station wagon gets stuck in mud alongside a road. They're unable to push it out and don't try to put anything under the wheels for traction. The father walks into the woods to find help for some reason, rather than walking down the road. He comes across a boarded- up house and asks for a phone.What seems like like hours later, the wife (Felissa Rose) goes off in the woods in the same direction. Somehow she winds up at the same house, and asks for the phone. While she had earlier said that her son was foaming at the mouth in the back seat of the car because he was scared and not because of a seizure, at the house she says her autistic eighteen- year-old son was having a seizure. She also says that her husband has seen a house in the woods - he hadn't. The old woman at the house mentions she has thirteen children, two of them living at home, both of them in their forties and retarded.A cop stops by the house. He says there had been some kids dressed up in Halloween costumes outside. He hears Felissa calling for help in the basement, but accepts the old woman's explanation that it's a stray cat. Dumb! He returns to his car, an old beater with a blue light on top. He gets attacked by something from the sky, and these minor injuries apparently kill him. Despite the death of a police officer, later in the movie they send out just one officer and one of the victims to check the house!Back at the car, the sister sees the cop's car parked in front of the station wagon. Why didn't he check the station wagon before going to the house? How did he see the people outside the house when it was far in the woods? How did he return to his car so quickly? This is a movie with lots of writing and continuity problems.Sis leaves her baby in the car when she checks the police car, and naturally it's gone when she returns. She goes into the woods, also manages to come across the same house, and asks to use the phone. She freaks out there, and scares a teenage girl who stopped by the house to use the phone. Surprising the old lady's palm reading business wasn't more popular at such a popular location!The autistic son had gone into the woods also and knocked himself out. He too goes to the house, and eventually gets sucked into the ground, like a character in Tomaselli's Desecration, which is more interesting than this movie!And on it goes. Much of the musical score is quite poor, particularly the instrumental song that is apparently supposed to be playing on the radio. The acting is just execrable, almost all-around. I couldn't say whether this was the casting or the direction of the actors. Ellen Sandweiss is OK, and attractive, but has a small role. There are horror clichés aplenty, like one character finding it easier to jump out what is apparently a third story window, than trying to break through a thin first-story door with a large window in it. The ending is pathetic, a steal from Evil Dead that I suppose is meant as a tribute, but just feels cheap.Avoid!

causeiwantto2001 I don't know if I should have added a warning about spoilers, but that's because I couldn't find a point to this movie at all! Seriously,I don't know what I'd be spoiling? The characters must have had some point, but I couldn't find it, and I will not subject myself to watching this train wreck ever again! Maybe you need to be part of a satanic order of sorts? The most shocking thing is this movie found distribution! If 0 was a score, I would have given this pearl a minus 10! Im sure anyone not associated with the film, that have seen it will agree! But if you don't please let me know what the hell this film was about! This film is one for the Twilight Zone!

mikidutza_the_best Well I must say this movie is a complete cinematic disaster.The characters act like some cartoons characters.Even Tom and Jerry would keep me more interested...The author of the movie inspired from a lot of other movies...like "The Texas chainsaw massacre" ,"Running scared".It's ingenuity isn't shown at all.I started watching this movie with great interest,fooled by the captivating title.This movie is lame,not horror at all...And when the creature cuts a boy,from his throat runs so much blood like it was a comedy or something.It's not making any sense regarding to the title.Maybe I am used to real horror movies and criticize too much but I think this movie wouldn't scare anyone who has seen at least one real horror movie.If I may compare this to "The Texas chainsaw massacre" I can say this is just a lame copy of the script put on screen with some second category characters.It's not worth seeing.Better try the original!