Artivels Undescribable Perfection

SoTrumpBelieve Must See Movie...

Paynbob It’s fine. It's literally the definition of a fine movie. You’ve seen it before, you know every beat and outcome before the characters even do. Only question is how much escapism you’re looking for.

Bob This is one of the best movies I’ve seen in a very long time. You have to go and see this on the big screen.

Woodyanders Struggling wannabe heavy metal musician Adam (blandly played by Thomas Bern) summons lethal succubus Lily (skanky beanpole Sylvia Summers). Things turn nasty after Lily crashes a frat party being held at Adam's house and starts bumping off the various obnoxious guests.Boy, does this hysterically horrendous honey possess all the right wrong stuff to qualify as a real four-star stinkeroonie: We've got blah (non)direction by furiously prolific schlockmeister David DeCouteau, a plodding pace, static cinematography, flat acting by a lame no-name cast (only foxy 80's porn starlet Ashlynn Gere adds any spark as the spunky Pat), tacky, but juicy gore, a mechanically bouncy synthesizer score, tin-eared dialogue (favorite line: "There's a dead cat back there and it's pretty gross"), zero tension or spooky atmosphere, a generous amount of bare skin (both male and female alike), cardboard characters, a by-the-numbers formulaic script, chintzy (not so) special effects, leering soft-core sex, and a groan-inducing surprise twist ending. A real cruddy hoot.

FilmFatale Dreamaniac may have the longest opening credits in horror movie history. Sadly, that's about the only thing it brings to the genre.Adam is a musician who dabbles in the dark arts. He's supposed to be "heavy metal," I suppose, but he wears a Def Leppard shirt and has posters on his bedroom wall for both Jello Biafra and Poison, so who knows. One night while playing with his book of spells, he conjures a succubus named Lily who just happens to crash a party thrown by Adam's girlfriend's sister. There's lots of softcore sex, lingering shots of the bodies of the mostly unattractive males in the cast, very little blood and no reason for anyone to watch. I'm not even going to mention the stupid ending. Avoid.

Bloodwank Dreamaniac was only my second viewing from the oeuvre of gay horror notable David DeCoteau, unless there are others that I've forgotten about. The first by the way was Puppetmaster 3: Toulon's Revenge, which is pretty great fun in the way that only a film with living puppets against Nazi's can be. This one though, sadly not so good. The film centres on a party gatecrashed by a kill happy succubus, but while there is a fair measure of potential interest in such a scenario the film opts for pretty much a generic slasher approach, livened in the final block by the introduction of zombies into the mix. Things kick off with mixed signals, a tilted camera watches a naked man walk down a pink lit hallway into a shower where he meets a bloody naked lass who sets about some brief clawing. Its intriguing enough, and the brief shot of bloody boobs is a definite plus, but on the other hand it does set up the films cheese, rampant 80's-ness and interest in male flesh. The film gets quickly into the party which occupies the rest of the runtime and here starts to sink into a disinterested fug of not all that much worth. We get plenty of horny youngsters, liberal doses of bitchy lines, unsatisfying sex and occasional killing, the killing steadily ramping up in regularity as things go on. The sex is unsatisfactory on two fronts, for one it's often interrupted either by other party goers or death, and for seconds we see a good deal of bare male chests, guys in just their pants and so on but no tits and ass or even male genitals. Wangs on display aren't even my kettle of piranhas but they might have given the scenes a bit more of an impact. Probably the most notable example of visual man love is an electrocution in which the camera gazes up at a guys tight Y-fronts as he expires, not really my kettle of fish like I said but it did make me chuckle. As far as the slaughter goes, there's more light blood spray than there is gore, though there are maybe two or three nice cheap gore shots in the last half hour including inspired use of a drill. This isn't the sort of film where any viewers are likely to be bothered about acting, characterisation and whatnot, but probably worth mentioning that Sylvia Summers (who?) does a nice enough job as the murderous demon, very much an 80's looking gal with trashy appeal and a suitably compelling lowbrow presence. Also, the female lead is played by Ashlyn Gere (credited as Kim McKamy), who went on to a successful porno career and also starred in another junky late 80's horror, the backwoods cannibal joint Lunch Meat. As well as being a fine looking lass she also contributes probably the best performance of the cast and it seems almost a shame that she departed the realms of genre cinema, but then I've never seen any of her adult work so it may well be inspiring stuff. Finally, the end of this one is pretty much nonsensical, somewhere between a giggle and a face-palm, people who dig idiotic endings will likely get a smile or two out of it. Altogether, this ain't really worth watching unless you absolutely have to see every crappy 80's horror out there or you really dig DeCoteau films. Still, its far from the worst out there, definitely better than a poke in the eye with a wet stick. See it if you must, but leagues away from essential.

Pretentious_crap The movie is full of ugly women who are supposed to be hot, and nudity scenes where there aren't any female full frontals, but hairy weasel man-ass. Some of the gore is okay; there's a few scenes where a dude or two suffers genital injuries during oral sex, but the camera cuts to the dudes facial expressions of pleasure then pain, and then the chick spitting blood. Also there's a scene where a characters head is decapitated by an electric drill.The movie's about this wannabe satanist, who gives incantations to Satan while sitting at his bedside wearing his Def Leppard t-shirt, then dreams of this ugly chick who is supposed to be Satan incarnate, or a succubus. Later, this evil horse faced succubus crashes his girlfriend's-sister's lame sorority party of eight people. Most of the film the power is out.Not in the least bit entertaining. Wash your dishes instead.The VHS cover's a laugh though, it says that is was too gory for TV, that's why it went straight to video-- yeah, try to prop up that fragile ego of your's Mr. Filmmaker.