Freaktana A Major Disappointment

AnhartLinkin This story has more twists and turns than a second-rate soap opera.

Roman Sampson One of the most extraordinary films you will see this year. Take that as you want.

Zlatica One of the worst ways to make a cult movie is to set out to make a cult movie.

Zeegrade Basically a sequel to "Ninja Terminator" only Richard Harrison's character is now Ninja Master Gordon instead of Harry. Everything else is the same, from his wife (Maria Francesca) and the Golden Ninja/Goblin idol to the awkward scenes with the Garfield phone. This time however the Caucasian Ninja storyline is intermixed with an Asian knockoff of "Poltergeist". The Black Ninjas want a sacred piece of land that contains buried magic talismans that will restore their Clan's strength in an ongoing battle with the Diamond Ninjas that seem to be represented only by Master Gordon. The head badguy Kogan, who has the absolute WORST taste in clothing, enlists the aid of a Ghost Ninja who in actuality is the ghost woman that haunts the family in the separate movie to secure this plot which currently a family of three resides on. The family consists of George, Fanny and their dopey son Bobo. Yes, his name is actually Bobo. Kogan also employs various pasty white guys who resemble more Sears employees than Ninjas though fans of Godfrey Ho movies know that this is the norm. The two story lines don't mesh well at all (no surprise) as the poltergeist movie isn't really interesting at all even with its occasional nudity and masturbating ghost. Can't say I would complain with being haunted by an Asian woman that wanted to screw my brains out but hey that's just me. The few fight scenes in the Master Gordon story are quick, stale, and utterly goofy. It seems all of these Black Ninjas like to fondle pistols in public places during the daytime. Not smart. This is pretty bad even for a typical Godfrey Ho movie as there is little to no momentum from beginning to end and nowhere near as fun as "Ninja Terminator". Many of the scenes shot at night are so horribly underexposed that I had no clue what was going on, not that I cared. Even Richard Harrison looks incredibly bored filming this garbage. So stagnant that it should have been called Cubic Zirconia Ninja Force.

Woodyanders Virtuous white ninja Gordon (the ever suave Richard Harrison) vows revenge on the evil Kogan (outrageously overplayed with eye-rolling hammy brio by Tao Chiang) and his no-count squad of nasty black ninjas after they murder his sweet girlfriend Lori (the lovely Maria Francesca in a too brief cameo). Meanwhile, Kogan enlists the aid of a wicked witch to conjure up spirits in order to get a family out of a house on a patch of land with a secret treasure hidden on it. Writer/director Godfrey Ho delivers an undeniably clumsy, incoherent and nonsensical, yet often sidesplitting and hence hugely entertaining blend of martial arts and supernatural elements into a gloriously ludicrous cinematic hodgepodge that comes complete with lousy dubbing, plain cinematography by Raymond Chang, a frantic nonstop pace, hysterically inept fight scenes, some tasty gratuitous female nudity, a smidgen of soft-core sex (a hot amorous ghost lady seduces a guy while he's sleeping in bed with his wife!), campy bad guys, cheesy (not so) special effects, a funky, syncopated discoid score, and an annoying little boy named Bobo. Moreover, we also get such choice gut-busting moments as a severed head in a basket and the ghost girl masturbating as she watches the guy make love to his wife. Yeah, this flick is by no means a refined work of subtle and sophisticated celluloid art, but it does possess a certain loopy charm and wiggy energy which makes it a lot of fun to watch. A deliciously crummy schlock riot.

rottingcarrot Sure this movie is terrible and drags a lot during the haunted house scenes but the sheer blatantly awful quality of the film is rather intriguing. The voice dubbing on the family who are living in the house is laughably awful. The film was obviously made with little effort or enthusiasm and the result is pathetic. I love the name of the family's son: Bobo. That's right Bobo. What the hell kind of name is Bobo? Have you ever heard of anyone ever being named Bobo? And when the people that provide the voice-overs deliver lines with the name Bobo as if it were a perfectly valid name I couldn't help but laugh uncontrollably! My favorite line: "Bobo! Don't tell lies!"Anyway who cares about the worthless sub plot! This Movie has the word ninja in the title and legendary film maker GODfrey Ho at the helm, so you can expect some pure adrenaline pumping ninja action to kick your ass! This movie has a fantastic opening where we see Ninja Master Gordon and his woman walking along the waterfront. They are confronted by a group of thugs who look like accountants and one of them boldly proclaims: "someone tells me your a ninja!" Woman: What are they talking about Gordon? Gordon: Nothing dear. just an old fairy tale. Some guy: I know how to find out if your a ninjer or not!" Then Gordon kicks their assesThe fighting is just absurdly bad. Some of the ninja movies i've seen have some good fighting in them but this one is bad for the most part because they use these lame overweight accountants in a lot of the action scenes and they don't know any kung fu at all and pose little threat to the invincible ninja master but There are these two Asian actors in this movie who play as stunt doubles and ninjas in a a few of these movies. I don't know there names unfortunately but one is the Leader of the golden ninja clan in ninja terminator i think. They luckily add a bit of excitement but the rest of the fighting is just Gordon effortlessly slaughtering the accountants. with the use of suriken, smoke and other amazement.Fabulous film! I hope someone is transferring these movies to DVD just so they can be purchased or rented. they're not that easy to find.

HaemovoreRex Well, with Godfrey Ho in the directors chair and the word 'Ninja' in the film title, you already know before viewing this that it isn't exactly going to exude much in the way of cinematic quality.Yep - this is another of those seemingly limitless cut and splice ninja movies starring a rather embarrassed looking Richard Harrison in the lead role (although he only actually appears in about ten or so minutes of the film!)What can I say? This really is one hell of a mess! In fact where do I even begin with this one?Compendiously, an evil ninja from the black ninja empire decides to utilise some form of dark magic to raise various 'ghost ninja' (who appear courtesy of a completely different film!) in an attempt to force a family out of a property that they are refusing to sell to him. Luckily for them however, they are friends with Ninja master Gordon (Richard Harrison) who possesses the Golden Ninja Warrior statue which is the only thing that can stand against the evil ninjas power (don't ask me how though....even having just watched this film, I'm still completely baffled as to what the hell was going on!)Gordon realises that he must defeat the evil ninja to finally put an end to all this, but first he must kill off his loyal (and somewhat gormless looking) henchmen one by one.Additionally Gordon's thirst for justice is made even stronger when his wife is brutally murdered early on in the movie in a scene that must surely set new standards in bad acting.Yes this film is in fact dreadful on pretty much every conceivable level......in other words.......it's great fun!This film is SO BAD that you just can't help but admire it. This really took some staggering ineptitude to make.It's completely and utterly bonkers!