Lovesusti The Worst Film Ever

UnowPriceless hyped garbage

Platicsco Good story, Not enough for a whole film

Matialth Good concept, poorly executed.

Michael Ledo I love Conan/ Middle Earth type of movies, although for some reason the original Conan lacked appeal to me, perhaps because it looked like Arnold wore a wig the whole time. In this film we get a significant childhood view of Conan as a person who has more heart than brains. After his village is destroyed and his father killed, Conan wanders the earth to find the man and seek revenge.He comes to a town involved in slave trade, kills the traders and frees the topless women in a cage. Later soldiers show up and Conan deliberately gets himself arrested so he can get inside of the prison camp to get information. Of course armed guards are no match for a chained Conan.Conan is a barbarian, a Viking type. Another tribe appears to mimic Native Americans with Mohawks and another of the 12 tribes mimics Mongolian. The problem with Conan, the Barbarian is that he speaks as a barbarian with bad lines and a bad delivery. The CG specials effects make this a better film. There is a good supporting cast, however Conan himself was just written poorly. For most people this should just be a rental.No f-bombs, nudity, one poorly lit sex scene.

Screen_Blitz Following the Arnold Schwartznegger rendition in the early 1980s, Conan the Barbarian has struck again on the silver screen, but not for an entertaining time. This updated rendition of the barbarian warrior succeeds boasted plenty of potential from its grittier update of the eponymous character. Unfortunately, this film lavishes its potential on a hopelessly unengaging story and direction that never quite lands. Directed by Marcus Nispel, the man behind two critically clobbered horror remakes 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' and 'Friday the 13th', this sword-and-sorcery tale delivers a feast of viciously graphic violence and gore splatters that makes Zack Snyder's '300' look more tame, tightly embracing its hard R-rating. But one thing that Nispel proves is that you simply cannot score a compelling action piece just throw in one gruesome action scene after another after another without dedicating some time to construct the plot and characters. It is just grows numbing and unappealing after a while long before it reaches the end credits. Citing this movie as an abhorrent disaster may be saying a lot, but it is nowhere as fun, exciting, or even intriguing as it sets out to be. Set during the fictional Hyborian age, the film stars Jason Momoa as Conan, a barbarian warrior who sets out on a perilous journey to seek revenge against a ruthless warlord Khalar Zym (played by Stephen Lang) along with his tyrant army wiped out his village and ultimately murdered by father Corin (played by Ron Perlman). Joining him on his quest is free slave Tamara (played by Rachel Nichols) who helps him on his vendetta while fighting against a horde of hideous monsters and Zym's evil minions. Whether you are watch this in 3-D or in regular version, this historical epic more often than not feels like a chore to sit through. Although there is plenty of intense, graphic battle sequences to keeping moving, the film never rises above the level of a slipshod fantasy extravaganza with nothing to offer but an excess of visually compelling scenery to feast the eyes. The first twenty minutes are fairly proficient, introducing the setting as well as the titular character as he witnesses a horrific tragedy of his village and his father. The scenery of the ancient world, resembling the middle- earth universe of the 'Lord of The Rings', in which the action takes place is at least nice look at. But when it comes down to kicking the action in gear, that is when the film crumbles. Director Marcus Nispel appears to have almost no interest in plot and instead allots a vast majority of proceeding splicing a long series of choppily edited battle sequences, and they all stitched together with constant brief moments of talking that rarely amounts of any sort of development to the plot or characters. Now is there any ounce of excitement delivered throughout the proceeding? Yes, but it comes far and few in between to the point where you question your willingness to sustain to the end. And for the bigger question, was Jason Momoa the right choice for substituting Arnold Schwartznegger in the role? While Momoa's performance is not inept, the portrayal of his character is tarnish by his weak and at times, laughable dialogue. The same problem lies with Stephen Lang's portrayal of Khalar Zym. And Ron Perlman, good grief! What a waste of a wildly compelling actor. Conan the Barbarian is a unfertile sword-and-sorcery fantasy actioner plagued by an overabundance of graphically violent battle sequences without any solid effort of pushing for a coherent narrative. Those who come for to snack on some intense swordplay and graphic carnage will by mildly satisfied, while those seeking for a compelling story will be drenched in disappointment. Hollywood could use a sweet rendition of the barbarian warrior, but this is not it.

Jackson Booth-Millard The original 1982 version, with Arnold Schwarzenegger (before becoming a superstar in The Terminator), is a cult classic, although I personally don't think it's very good, or its sequel Conan the Destroyer, so I didn't think a remake would be any better, directed by Marcus Nispel (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), Friday the 13th (2009)). Basically warlord Khalar Zym (Don't Breathe's Stephen Lang) wishes to reunite the pieces of the Mask of Acheron, crafted by a group of sorcerers and used to subjugate the world, to revive his dead wife and conquer Hyboria, the pieces were scattered among the barbarian tribes. Young Conan (Leo Howard) is the son of Corin (Ron Perlman), chief of a barbarian tribe, he is skilled, but his father believes he is not ready to wield his own sword, the entire village are murdered by the forces of Zym, after Corin's piece of the mask is located, Conan and Corin are chained and trapped under a vat of molten metal, but Corin sacrifices himself to allow Conan to escape, Conan is the only survivor of the attack and vows revenge. Years later, the warrior Conan (Game of Thrones' Jason Momoa) is a pirate, he finds a slavery colony, the slaves are freed when his tribe kill the handlers. While celebrating in a tavern in the city of Messantia, Conan recognises Lucius (Steven O'Donnell), one of Zym's soldiers from years before, he cut off his nose when he was younger, Conan forces Lucius to tell him where Khalar Zym is. Meanwhile Khalar Zym attacks a monastery the sorceress Marique (Scream's Rose McGowan) believes that a pure-blood descent of Acheron lives, but elderly monk Fassir (Raad Rawi) warned Tamara (Rachel Nichols), of a bloodline of Acheronian necromancers, to run away and return to her homeland. Tamara is chased by Khalar Zym's soldiers, but Conan saves her, he realises that using Tamar may be the only way to reach the evil Khalar Zym, but also to save the great nations of Hyboria from an encroaching reign of supernatural evil. Also starring Saïd Taghmaoui as Ela-Shan, Bob Sapp as Ukafa and Milton Welsh as Remo, with narration from Morgan Freeman. Momoa is no substitute for Schwarzenneger, Lang and McGowan are fairly good villains, and Perlman does steal the show in the short time he is on for, this version may have more advanced special effects that look fantastic, and slightly more gore and aggressive fights, but it doesn't have any humour or charm, it is definitely more style over substance, a very average and barely memorable sword-and-sorcery fantasy adventure. Adequate!

NateWatchesCoolMovies I've never seen any of the original Conan films with Ahnuld (I know, get the torches and pitchforks), so I don't really have anything to compare Marcus Nispel's remake to, but on it's own I found it to be a solid, serviceable sword and sandal outing with a welcome hard R rating and some neat work from legendary actors. Jason Momoa was fresh of his Game Of Thrones stint, jumping right into a very similar role as iconic Conan, a musclebound soldier of fortune on a grisly quest to exact revenge against warlord who decimated his village when he was but a pup. Momoa exudes a different aura than I imagine Schwarzenegger must have, a stoic, silent tunnel vision style as opposed to posing theatrically. It works, but it's a new Conan from the one I've seen in many a trailer and snippet on TV, that's for sure. My favourite part of the film is the extended prologue, which just somehow feels like the most grounded part, whereas everything else is almost cartoonish, reminding me of stuff like The Mummy. The opening is terrific though, introducing us to a young Conan (Leo Howard) and his father Corin (Ron Perlman, who else?), living in their nomadic village on the edge of nowhere. Enter tyrannical villain Khalar Zym (Stephen Lang) and his super freaky daughter Marique (Ivana Staneva), played later down the line by Rose McGowan, before she got all lame on us. Laying waste to Conan's home and killing countless people including Corin, he is left to breed fearsome vengeance for years, until he sets out into the wide world on a journey to find Zym and mess him up real good. The story is standard, the action is well staged by Nispel, who has a golden eye for spectacularly orchestrated displays of violence in his films, and pulls no punches here. He also casts roles on the nose, and has for years. Lang is in overdrive, practically frothing at the mouth and turning Zym into something scary indeed. McGowan is straight out of a Takahashi Miike film, all bone white hissing snarls and needle sharp appendages, a hellcat with supreme bloodlust that you just don't want to encounter. Momoa has the brawn for Conan, but a few extra syllables of dialogue wouldn't have hurt, if only to round the guy out some more and give Jason something to say, which he rarely gets to do in his work it seems. I think parts of the film, especially the finale, were somewhat ruined for me by the catastrophically bad 3D they used (when oh when will they learn with the damned 3D), so I feel like a Blu Ray revisit is nigh, in which I can fully appreciate some of the set pieces without being reminded of a popup book. It's a good time at the movies, but like I said, I have nothing to compare it to as far as Conan goes.