jlw1216
Legend says that Jimmy actually holds world record for fastest Olympic dive. Nah, but he's actually a naked man-frog. Watch this movie only for the one scene. All my two stars go straight to Jimbo.
-M&J
Michael Ledo
Three young couples go to a cabin in the woods, cue spinner.....ghosts. Yes the house and lake are haunted. The movie combines the hand held genre with regular bad filming. Ghosts suddenly jump from one location to the next. Actors did a good job at looking as being dragged when there is no one there. Jillian (Leah Jones) did the possessed contortionist scene and she seems to have a connection based on her protection necklace.The acting ranged from bad to fair with a lot of wasted footage of the gang traveling to the house which was not on a beach. Things start to happen at 40 minutes, the half way point. If you liked the Paranormal series and those other "go nowhere" hand held camera films, this one feels just like those.Guide: Plenty of F-bombs. Near/implied sex. Nudity (Stephanie Marrone, India Autry)
Nigel P
The term exploitation has been used to lump together softcore horror films, mainly from Europe during the 1960s and 1970s, although Hammer also became bitten by the bug in its latter years. Now, we feel we have progressed so smoothly that the term isn't used any more. And that's because such a titillating way of teasing the audience with choreographed sexuality has become the norm. Here, we have the dreaded 'group of friends', one celebrating a birthday, who go looking for a beach house and instead discover The Lake House. As one character, superficially hard-to-please Stacey (India Autry) says, "A beach house needs to have a beach." The reply, "Yeah, I got that memo." The friends here are the usual stylised, buff bodied, greased back, laconic, horny collection torpidly passed off as 'normal'. Teens of indiscriminate age whose idea of a really good put-down is to say accusingly "You let me work out on my own today." To break the perfect collective, there is a moderately over-weight guy who 'gets by' by constantly making apologetic weight jokes to justify his inclusion.The story: years ago, a young boy was drowned in the lake on Clinton Road and may be haunting the Lake House. As nothing in particular happens, these forever wholesomely tattooed 24-hour party people fill the running time by having cosmetic arguments, only to later reward each other with themselves. When one of their number – Jillian (Leah Jones) - threatens to tarnish the perfect party bubble by not feeling well, a lethargy sweeps across the ensemble. After a while, they no longer even have the energy to twerk (dance to popular music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low, squatting stance).Away from the sporty birthday revellers, the location is, as is often the case, a blessed relief. Scenic, expansive and remote-looking enough to convince of sinister goings-on far away enough from society to be, in theory, moderately effective. You'd hope. Still, the mood slithers from high-spirited party action to posture and ponder-meant now things aren't quite excellent anymore. When one sleek bodied seductress disappears – you know, the one who wasn't feeling well – the reaction from the others is minimal. A manly hand-slap and they continue as before. Camaraderie for those left behind, whilst the birthday boy laments his suddenly imperfect celebrations."I ain't scared of s**t. That's white people's s**t. Coloured people don't do ghosts." Pure poetry.Without listing further non-eventful contrivances, 'Lake House' proves to be an excruciating and anaemic haunting effort with a little scary music interrupting the rap beats and lead-ups to sex scenes that don't happen. A little high-speed body-distortion (owing a lot to various exorcism films) and that's your lot as far as 'scares' are concerned. Suddenly, the inclusion of some uplifting music alerts us to the fact the film is ending. But wait! A post-credits sequence features desperately overlong web-cam footage of another car full (of what appear to be four twelve-year olds driving to Clinton Road, mocking the existence of any haunting. This scene seems to go on forever. For a lead-up to any threatened sequel, it spends its entire duration overstaying its welcome). It's difficult to know how an audience is supposed to react to this film, if at all, but who cares? Horrifying, for all the wrong reasons.
tmdarby
Okay, where to start with this movie. Well the story had potential, so there is that. I'm giving this a 1 because of the acting. I've seen a lot of bad movies because I'm a fan of B rated horror. The actors in this movie however are something else. It wasn't so much the bad acting, all though there is a lot of that. It was more the just incredibly terrible dialogue and the delivery of that dialogue. I don't even know how to describe it. The Jersey shore type talking and yelling is so annoying that you find yourself waiting for someone to show up and kill all the main characters, and you are looking forward to it. If the directors vision was to create a movie with an okay horror story, but make the audience hate every single character, mission accomplished.
