ThiefHott Too much of everything

Dotsthavesp I wanted to but couldn't!

SanEat A film with more than the usual spoiler issues. Talking about it in any detail feels akin to handing you a gift-wrapped present and saying, "I hope you like it -- It's a thriller about a diabolical secret experiment."

Freeman This film is so real. It treats its characters with so much care and sensitivity.

mado-26856 As a brief my rating should say more than you need.

trevorvpinder I did not read the book so I had no high expectations and thought it was ok.

paid in full The first 15 minutes of the movie is the best part: it is the part when you anticipate something great. But that something never happens...unless all you wanted was to look at a couple naked. I finished watching this film while multitasking...i finished it only because i'm trying to understand why women gladly support the financial survival of this piece of art. If you feel like risking time go ahead, but don't say I didn't warn you. There was no tension, nothing to keep the viewers interested.

The Movie Diorama I cannot believe I actually watched this. Me, who solemnly swore he wouldn't watch such rubbish, made the bold choice to watch this for the sake of his friend. That's how kind I am. I would succumb to this for friendship. Honestly though, this has less substance than a used condom. I'm not even going to summarise the "plot", because there was hardly any. Young girl falls in love with rich man who creates a contract for some submissive dominance relationship thing. I don't know, and I don't care. The film is shot well atleast, and has aesthetic appeal. Don't forget the hardcore foreplay and rough sex...oh wait, it's tame? Oh dear. I've seen more convincing sex (and better plot) in a 70's soft porno. The screenplay can be best described as monotonous. Example: "I don't make love. I f*ck...hard". Or even: "Because I'm fifty shades of f*cked up, Anastasia". What even was this!? Have we, the human race, actually come to this!? I can't comprehend the stupidity of this dialogue and how undramatic it was. The most excitement I had was attempting to work out the word for a 'vagina wig' which I'm sure Dakota Johnson was wearing. "Hmmm I know it sounds like mankini? No wait, I'll FaceTime my mum, she'll know...MERKIN! It's a merkin!". The sex, which the plot clearly revolves around, is too funny to watch. Whips, chains, rope...we got it all, and it's hilarious. Then the accompaniment of generic pop songs, oh yes it gets better. Bursting into Ellie Goulding's "Love Me Like You Do" has never felt so good. Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan were abysmal, not their fault though to be fair. Goes to show that a screenplay is the most central and important aspect to a captivating film. And captivating this is not. However, my life is now complete. This film brought me joy. It is so atrocious that I actually loved it. Get ready for when I watch the sequel, I can't wait...