Wordiezett
So much average
Rosie Searle
It's the kind of movie you'll want to see a second time with someone who hasn't seen it yet, to remember what it was like to watch it for the first time.
Rexanne
It’s sentimental, ridiculously long and only occasionally funny
daviddaveinternational
I read some of the other reviews and was kind of surprised by the hate. The movie was actually very well made, quality-wise. The gore was very convincing, almost like actual humans were used. Very graphic. Almost "lose your dinner" graphic. The film didn't have to rely on shaky quick takes to cover any cheapness during the graphic scenes. I mean, in one scene, this guys face got cut off and the film gave you multiple long views of the gore. Lovely... It had a lot of tongue-in-cheek comedy also. One character died very graphically and just before death he looked at his killer and said something like, "Oh, wow, man" or something of that nature. I really recommend this movie. I found mine at the WalMart in the $5 bin. Well worth it. I know I'll watch it more than once.
TdSmth5
Some loser living in Detroit without a car finds a job washing and detailing cars. The cashier girl develops an interest in him. His boss likes him, but his co-workers don't. Apparently he rents a room in a house of some sexually adventurous people. Eventually he decides to buy the cheapest car he can find. Nearby parked is an old van. He calls the owner but gets no response. Then the owner starts calling him and harassing him. We've seen this van before. It and its owner have killed a bunch of random people gruesomely. The van is rigged with all sorts of devices to brutally kill people. It's like a moving Saw trap.Our loser runs into a strange customer. It's Swami Ted who forgets a bag full of marijuana at the car wash, which is quickly picked up by the other employees. Ted blames the loser and threatens him if he doesn't return the drugs, when suddenly the van appears and nearly runs over Ted, if the loser hadn't saved him. Now Ted is grateful and offers to help him whenever necessary.Eventually the creep in the van grabs the girl and the loser and Ted will have to confront the creep.Creep Van is an endearing C-level horror movie. Acting isn't all that great, the loser character is likable enough though. It was filmed in Detroit and has the independent East-coast film feel. The characters are human and actually talk to each other, unlike your big budget Hollywood productions. There's plenty of gore and it's first rate quality gore. No cheap CGI blood here. There's some nudity, too. Overall the story works, even though we learn nothing about the creep. The ending is surprising and good. But there's not a whole lot of sense of dread and it's not quite what you would expect from a movie called Creep Van. There should have been more pretty innocent victims killed the the van/creep. In a way the movie focuses too much on the loser and not enough on the bad guy.
bob_meg
The number of ultra-ultra-low-low beginner's school films seems to be increasing daily (thank you digital and thank you RED). Unfortunately they also should come with a disclaimer for consumers who want to be assured that what they're about to watch contains some level of competence.While Creep Van doesn't really rank into that stinking dogpile, it comes a bit too close for comfort at times. I haven't seen "Gag" --- though it does sound pretty horrific, and not in a good way --- but at least "Creep Van" is reasonably well made in the technical sense.Creep Van follows in the mold of Vehicular Homicide stuff from the '70s like The Car, only there's a very real psycho inside this titular rolling weapon. Whether that's good or not --- well --- I couldn't tell you, because there's no real reason given why the "creep" is slaughtering so many people with so many intricate and (sometimes) amusing deathtraps. Not that psychos NEED a reason to kill people, but if they don't, the filmmaker should at least give us something interesting to watch. That's not the pairing of Brian Kolodziej and Amy Wahrell who, though likable, don't have enough acting chops combined to chew through creamed corn. And isn't Wahrell a bit OLD for Kolodziej? I thought she was his mom half the time. But, I digress....The main problem with this movie is, well...it doesn't know what it wants to be, exactly. The tone is all over the place: it wants to be a creepy, somber '80s throwback one minute, then a Fangoria face-ripped-off fright fest (but without one genuine shock, ironically), and then a wacky-as-all-get-out Troma schlocker. It actually does succeed in places, but the overall effect is jarringly uneven. It just doesn't have the sheen of a well-made film...even the stuff coming out of Troma these days is miles ahead in overall production quality.Never thought I'd be referring to Troma as a mainstream standard but...in the context of Creep Van, it is.
BakuryuuTyranno
"Creep Van" is impossible to rate because the movie often makes little sense, indeed, its often nonsensical.The best comparison is to say it was watching the average YouTube video; the people making it obviously thought it was much funnier than the movie actually was. Often absurd, and occasionally I laughed, but often in disbelief or at the absurdity of the events on screen, rather than because it was funny.Another description would be Troma without the talent. Or, if you've seen any Syfy movie where the monster kills bystanders long before interacting with any central characters, the van's screen time is generally limited to things like that.Otherwise there's much nonsense, like a drug dealer screaming into his phone before finishing with "of course I'll tell Mom I love her", the martial arts girl beating up perverted engineer before both get turned into roadkill, etc.It's stupid, but you'll probably be tired of it before it's over.
