Livestonth
I am only giving this movie a 1 for the great cast, though I can't imagine what any of them were thinking. This movie was horrible
Quiet Muffin
This movie tries so hard to be funny, yet it falls flat every time. Just another example of recycled ideas repackaged with women in an attempt to appeal to a certain audience.
Juana
what a terribly boring film. I'm sorry but this is absolutely not deserving of best picture and will be forgotten quickly. Entertaining and engaging cinema? No. Nothing performances with flat faces and mistaking silence for subtlety.
Leofwine_draca
ABRAXAS, GUARDIAN OF THE UNIVERSE is a completely cheesy B-movie version of THE TERMINATOR, made with a tongue so far in cheek that it's at risk of being swallowed. It's poorly shot and stupidly made on a tiny budget, shot in darkness for the most part to hide the paucity of it all. A cameo from James Belushi is about as mainstream as it gets. Don't expect much in the way of action or effects as the budget doesn't really stretch that far. Man-mountain Sven-Ole Thorsen does his best Schwarzenegger impression as a renegade alien who arrives on Earth and impregnates a woman, setting a path of destruction in order. He's the least imposing bad guy ever. Jesse Ventura, complete with awful bald hair cut, is the ultra-wooden hero. It's really not worth your time.
bensonmum2
There are a lot of bad movies, but there's only one Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe. If you want poor acting, a nonsensical plot, unbelievably low quality sound recording/editing, a pointless Jim Belushi cameo, and inappropriate soft jazz, Abraxas is the movie you've been looking for.Abraxas stars Jesse Ventura in the title role. While I enjoyed his work in movies like The Predator, he seems wholly incapable of carrying a movie on his own. He's joined by Sven-Ole Thorsen - Arnold Schwarzenegger's old buddy. A large chunk of the movie is devoted to these two guys chasing each other through the woods and mindlessly beating on each other. The third main member of the cast is Marjorie Bransfield. I'll be incredibly nice and call her performance bland.The plot is so ridiculous, it's barely worth mentioning. Abraxas is some sort of space cop called a finder who is chasing his former partner, Secundus. Secundus has come to Earth to find a suitable mate to bear his child. His offspring will be the Comater and have knowledge of the Anti-Life Equation. Secundus finds a female, impregnates her with a hand to the belly, and the baby (or Comater) is born within a few minutes. Abraxas catches up with Secundus and sends him to a penal planet. Five years later, Secundus escapes prison and heads back to Earth (with Abraxas hot on his heels) to retrieve the Comater so he might gain the power derived from the Anti-Life Equation. I'll stop there. This is all so pointless.I've always said that I rate movies based on entertainment. Abraxas is a test of that statement. It's a bad movie based on anyone's definition. It's totally ridiculous, stupid, and incompetently made - but it's fun. Despite the many obvious flaws, I was entertained. A qualified 7/10 from me.
RTheManF89
And that's no joke! I ordered this last week, very anxious to see this in spite of it's bad rep. It finally came in today and I saw it! The best bad movie ever! Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe XD. Now, onto the movie. The movie centers around an intergalactic cop named obviously, Abraxas (Played by Jesse Ventura from Predator. He gets top billing in this as most of the movies he's been in like Predator or Running Man, he usually co-stars as a jerk who gets killed early in a movie) in pursuit of his ex-partner turned renegade, Secundus (Played hilariously by Sven-Ole Thorsen from The Running Man) on earth. We then stumble upon a young couple, the girl, Sonia Murray (Being played by Marjorie Bransfield) wants to keep her virginity, even though her boyfriend wants to get laid with her. Secundus then comes across the couple and tosses the boyfriend out of the car and drives off with Sonia. It is unknown what happens to the boyfriend aftewards. Secundus then asks Sonia if she's fertile and then rapes her by placing his hand on her tummy (WTF!?!) A few minutes later, she gives birth, but how did she do it without anyone to help her? Did she gag it out of her mouth or something? Later, she is seen at her house with her parents, who kick her out of the house because she doesn't know who the father is. Flash forward to Abraxas' home planet. Dar and Hite (Abraxas' dispatchers, would you believe it if I said that the guy playing Dar happened to be the film's director?) have discovered that Secundus has now broken out of his jail and escaped. So after some arguing, they send Abraxas to earth to pursue Secundus yet again. Secundus has returned to earth, 5 years after he impregnated Sonia, to search for Sonia's child, Tommy, who just so happens to be a Comator or something like that. He apparently, has the anti-life equation, which is capable of destroying a world. I don't think I need to go any further with the plot. I will say there are a lot of unintentionally funny moments, like Jesse saying "My Box has V.D." What's especially funny (unintentionally) is the movie's soundtrack. It's mostly soft jazz playing during the fight sequences, which is very unfitting for a fight sequence, yet laughable at the same time. There's also a somehow pointless scene of Secundus smashing some bottles of Pepsi (My favorite soda btw), which could explain why the movie happens to be sponsored by Coca-Cola, after he steals the Jeep from the camping family. Jim Belushi makes a quick and somehow pointless cameo as the Principle of Tommy's school. He did the cameo as a favor to Marjorie Bransfield, who plays Sonia. And towards the end, for no reason at all, while Secundus confronts Tommy in the warehouse, the song "Strong As I Am" (From "Manhunter") by The Prime Movers, is heard, and just like the Kenny G music playing during the fight sequences, it does not fit the scene at all. It works better in "Manhunter" than it does here.
newshound99
This is the only say I have; my friends mostly don't know of this film and neither does society. My origin is Minneapolis, Minnesota (where Jesse was elected governor) so we (I think I voted his way as well) elected Jesse as governor to shake up the establishment-- but that's not what this movie is about, no sir-- it is political in that Mr. Ventura's debut on screen has more to do with the future than with his pending fate with the political arena of which he's been criticized, praised, laughed at and extolled-- independent? maybe in 200 years !!! ahem, which state will allow the politics of ABRAXAS? And so the politics are there but so far removed from this century... Anyhow, this is not about politics. It's about living and love and aliens and saving grace and keeping our race alive, underneath its cheesy, clichéd and under-budgeted tactics. This film is quite conservative at its core; a few scenes make me want to speak out and say wow-- yes even a quick comment on this B-grade (actually would receive an perfunctory F -- meaning cursory? as the trap the best of the erudite often fall into -- in cinema repertoire as looked at by the academy and its ilk, but hey i'm not blue blood not ivy league not prone to programming the masses in a particular way so as to curb their affection and/or interest...) movie is relevant in that we are facing this type of transformation in society at large-- art imitates life, at least here-- and Jesse does a commendable job of saying what not too many of us can even express, let alone volunteer and get paid very little to exemplify. What planet is Jesse from? Hell, it's a coin-toss, the answer lies in the state of the union address, the statue of liberty and the eye of the hurricane... I am just grooving on this near-futile attempt to educate the ones who might not otherwise have the opportunity to learn-- like me. We are all deficient, we are all brilliant, we are all here to help bring about the everlasting luminescence on this planet before it's too late... Anyone care to: rewrite what was lost in translation and production? BEDLAM BLISS IS AS FRIENDLY AS IT'S GALANT & MUTABLE. God bless.
